I've also taken the opportunity to formulate some highly sensitive and classified New Year's resolutions. They are as follows:
1. Get really good at belly dancing.
2. Lose weight (for real this time) and get in shape.
3. Devour this book (which I have lovingly dubbed "365 Days of Hilarious Living") and post my daily findings.
Basically, the book is just a challenge to make every day about something: do something every day that makes it stand out, makes it interesting, or at least memorable. So, Day 1 is pretty simple: Choose one of the following and do it. Do one press-up; perform a strip tease (in private); triple-tie your shoelaces; learn to play <> on the piano; increase your typing speed by three words a minute; jaywalk in a pedestrian zone; set all your clocks to exactly the right time; whisper a white lie when no one's listening; fantasize about your partner; use a different thickness comb; say <> instead of <>; hold the phone up to your other ear; tell someone your middle name; try a new sandwich filling; leave work five minutes early; bookmark a new website; give your genitalia pet names; decide which one of your toes is the prettiest; insult an insect; go on a one-minute hunger strike.
The dabbler in me mixed with the over-achiever in me decided to do a little of everything. I did one full chin-up. I went to a strip club for the first time in my life and watched a real live person do a strip tease. I whispered "I'm a lesbian" on the escalator in the movie theater. I fantasized about having a partner. I couldn't decide if I was giving pet names to my genitalia or giving names to my pet genitalia; regardless, I did that years ago. I stuck up my middle toe (which is, coincidentally, the prettiest) and said "You're retarded" to a moth that was trapped in my car while the windows were down. I held the phone up to my other ear and it pretty much weirded me out for the whole day.
Day 2 (I'm just going to combine them all here so I can start afresh tomorrow) told me to spend the day gazing at everyone as if he or she were the one true love of my life. I kinda have an addiction to people-watching anyway, so I just threw in a couple of eyelash bats and stoic winks and went from there. I received no digits, nor reciprocated Looks of Anguished Love, but it's the thought that counts. Not that anyone else was walking around gazing at everyone as if he or she were the one true love of their life. Or were they...
Day 3 told me to throw something away that I like. I haven't done this yet. I'm stuck on analyzing why I like what I like, and why I would ever throw it away, and if I did, would I ever forgive myself. I'll keep you posted.
Day 4 (which is today!!!) is World Coloring-In Day. I colored in a world map all the countries I have visited (green), the ones I intend to visit in the next year (blue), the ones I intend to visit before I die (yellow) (what happens if I die within the next year?! What color do I color the country?!?), and the countries I never want to visit (red). Needless to say, the map is entirely yellow and green, with no red anywhere. Here, see for yourself.
Now that I'm landlocked for awhile I'll be documenting my hysterically lived life through this book. Until I can once again be on the open road, this will just have to suffice.
1 comment:
I bet that moth is totally pissed you retard-bashed her and then blogged about it. I heard she's coming for you, with a posse. (sp?) Lock up your sweater.
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